I could only sit in a corner chair somewhere in M.D. Anderson. I couldn't tell you where I was at that moment. I had a million things running through my head. I tried my best to cope and fight back tears as I sipped my poor concoction of whiskey and coke.
I stood there amongst other friends and your family and all I could think of was myself. How I wasn't ready for you to leave my life. They had prepped you for surgery and this, for all we knew could have been the last time we ever talked to you.
I'm often amazed at how God will bring people into your life. How random occurrences are seldom random. When I think back and try to remember, I don't remember a starting place. I just remember you being there. Goofy. Loud. Your energy grabbing the attention of a room and a laugh that made others laugh.
I looked up to you with such amazement. Most of us did. We'd copy how you talked or how you acted. Some of us even tried to copy your talents of writing or drawing. However, it was your faith, you belief that I was most envious of. There are many fake people who act a certain way, but your faith was genuine. It was that light that seemed to shine brightest from you.
All of it was like a magnet. You couldn't find anyone who ever had anything bad to say about you. People where and have always been drawn by your charisma. I still crack a smile thinking of some of the most random crap I've seen or experienced around you.
Everything from floating a river to getting kicked out of a taco bell. It's easy to say you were my hero and I had felt blessed even then to be like family.
You were the main reason I went into the Navy. I don't know if it was your attitude or how things just seem to go your way but to hear your stories made me envious. What am I going to do with my life? I don't have a clue. This seems so awesome for you, why wouldn't I go? I even had other options for different jobs but I wanted to be what you were. So I picked Radioman just before it was renamed I.T. ...
You have continued to be one of the strongest voices in my head. Between advice or just talking about nothing at all. I've listened.
So at this exact moment, at M.D. Anderson, we don't know what will happen next to you...
I'm a mess. I remember my hands shaking. I couldn't talk. I could barely look at you. Here is my hero, his wife crying her eyes and can literally do nothing. My hands shake as I fight tears.
It's useless.
The tears burned down my face. I pray... I beg... I bargain.
The doctors tell us we should leave. It's no good for us all to wait. No one moves. No one leaves. Minutes creep by like hours and hours like days. We wait.... We pray... We hope...
I beg... Lord please. Please not my friend. Please not my brother. Please.
People make small talk but it's in vein. The hospital is empty except for a gathering crowd in a waiting room.
The night eventually fades away.
It feels like an eternity ago for me. But I realize over and over how fortunate I am that you walked away from that day. Many of us are. I guess the reason I think to this is because, well, we seldom get second chances. How many people wish they had a second chance to hug their friend? or to let them know they're loved? Or just simply being around that person.
You never realize how important someone is to you until finality get's involved. So many people are blessed to this day to know you. People from 10 years ago will ask about you. For me, I can't imagine a world without you. I am so grateful that you've been apart of my life. I'm grateful for countless memories. I'm grateful for a God who gave me a role model, a friend and an older brother. I'm grateful for your shenanigans. I'm grateful that you took an interest in us when you could have easily been elsewhere. I'm grateful for every laugh I've gotten to share with you. I'm grateful to have been apart of your life and to hear you utter words that still make me laugh...
"YEAH BABY!! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?"
I love you, you're one of my best friends. You are why I am the way I am.
Thomas, I am blessed today, because of you.
