altar of faith

Many times at night, I will take some time and reflect back over my day. I talk to God about certain aspects of my day and wait patiently for some insight. I began to talk of one of my pitfalls, my greatest distraction from him. I talked to him in the hopes that, since he made me with my ticks and quirks that It'd shed some light on myself.

As I meditated in the moment, I thought of how I rationalize this flaw. I accept it as if it were my eye color or even the scar on my leg. I've prayed many times to be free of this one vice which is even more odd considering my faith and how I know that God has both set me free and given me his grace. I even know 2 Corinthians 5:17 by heart, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone , the new has come!"

So... If I'm forgiven by Grace and I'm a new creation in Christ, why is this area the easiest for me to fall apart in? Why do I accept this label of addiction and hold it hand in hand with my Grace? The not so simple truth is, that I put faith into both. I put faith in my eventual failure and run back to Grace under the weight of my conviction.

  

God then began to show me Abraham. He gave me a glimpse into the mountain of faith this man had to have in him and the almost insane amount of trust he had for God. So much so that it staggers my imagination. His faith in God and God's promises were always met with unfathomable blessings. It was in this moment that I marinated on this one thought:

"Put your faith in me as Abraham did."

When you do, you will get a glimpse into who I am. You say you know how big I am, but do you?

You say you trust in me, but will you?

Greatness starts from faith a small as mustard seed but your faith cannot be divided by both your trust in failure and the trust that I made you into a new creation through Jesus Christ. It's one or the other and never both. Will you stand on the faith of my promises as Abraham did and accept that you will fail no more, that you will be distracted no more and that you will no longer claim this addiction as if it was something I put in your heart? 

"Put your faith in me as Abraham did."

Never Again List...

(By Betty Miller)

Never again will I confess "I can't" for "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

Never again will I confess lack, for "My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

Never again will I confess fear, for "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7).

Never again will I confess doubt and lack of faith, for "God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith" (Romans 12:3).

Never again will I confess weakness, for "The Lord is the strength of my life" (Psalm 27:1). "The people that know their God shall be strong and do exploits" (Daniel 11:32).

Never again will I confess supremacy of Satan over my life, for "Greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

Never again will I confess defeat, for "God always causeth me to triumph in Christ Jesus" (2 Corinthians 2:14).

Never again will I confess lack of wisdom, for "Christ Jesus is made unto me wisdom from God" (1 Corinthians 1:30).

Never again will I confess sickness, for "With His stripes I am healed" (Isaiah 53:5). Jesus "Himself took my infirmities and bare my sickness" (Matthew 8:17).

Never again will I confess worries and frustrations, for I am "Casting all my cares upon Him, who careth for me" (1 Peter 5:7). In Christ I am "care-free."

Never again will I confess bondage, for "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" (2 Corinthians 3:17).

Never again will I confess condemnation, for "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). I am in Christ; therefore, I am free from condemnation.

Never again will I confess loneliness, Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world" (Matthew 28:20). "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" (Hebrews 13:5).

Never again will I confess curses or bad luck, for "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us...that the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith" (Galatians 3:13-14).

Never again will I confess discontent because "I have learned, in whatsoever state (circumstances) I am, therewith to be content" (Philippians 4:11).

Never again will I confess unworthiness because "He hath made Him to be sin for us who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

jon the fisherman, a recap!

I know that God answers prayers.

My soul feels so overwhelmed that I cannot fight back my tears of joy. My heart is broken - (in such an amazing way.) I listened to my brother as he talked. For so long, For so very long and so many times I prayed. I listened and as he told me about how he listened to the preacher. I listened until he said, he accepted Christ. 

After he said that, I tried so hard to listen to what else he had to say but could only focus on those beautiful words. "I accepted Christ..."

I am now overwhelmed with the amazing gift God has given me today. I'm speechless. I'm awed and I'm trying to fathom God's unending love for us, for the world, for me. 

I'd be lying to say that this hasn't given me fresh fire. 

THANK YOU GOD  

FOREVER

Below is a post from a little while ago. It makes me smile to look back on it!

Jon the fisherman???

by Jon Durnell on Wednesday, February 4, 2009 at 8:50pm

In my head, you are slow to stand. Out of place in the most of accepting of places...Seeing you in church of all places seems almost foreign.

It's a place where no one would think to look to find you. And yet, In my head I see you. I see the look on your face. That slow sinking realization...

You are, the missing piece of this puzzle. You're the one that I can't give up on. You're the one that matters most to me.

I stood up on faith. When asked to step out in faith, to believe for someone... anyone... I thought of you. Only you. The person I promised myself that before I focused on the world...
My heart breaks for you. And rightly so. You're the hardest person to talk to...especially when it comes to faith. This fantastic God and this incredible man named Jesus. How would I explain such a thing?
I remembered standing defiant. Refusing to give up on you. So much so, that I stood up in front of people. Walked in front of a crowded room. No one else moved for such a call. But to believe that by moving you'd be the person to come to know Christ.

How can I be ashamed of tears? How could I possibly care about myself? Or foolish things like my pride?
What a small price to pay. And yet...

In my mind I believed what I saw: My brother...My best friend. Standing... Believing in Jesus.

My God... My beautiful God... I will always believe for him. I trust you when you say step out in faith. I believe you when you say, Believe. My little faith to move mountains... to walk on water... For Jesus to mean to him what it means to me.

What could I possibly pay for my gratitude? What measure would ever be enough? My God...My beautiful God.... May he see what I see. May he know you more than I know you. May this heartbreak finally end.

Thank you Lord, for my brother.

My Beautiful Letdown

My finale for speech class -
________________________

My beautiful letdown

               It would seem obvious to anyone of any faith or thinking that this life is only temporary. We as a civilization and a species share similar ideas, flaws and ambitions. What could I possibly say to anyone what life is, being that I have yet to fulfill this life? It seems unrealistic, wouldn't it, that since I haven't finished living that I should talk about what the meaning or purpose of this life is? 

               I think it would be safe to assume that I have struggled in vein along with everyone else to find such a purpose. It seems like each of us has this hole inside of us that needs to be filled. I have chased after the world looking to fill that hole and find that purpose. I have found many amazing things in my short time of existence but I never seem to find that piece that makes me feel whole.

               C.S. Lewis said, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." Such an incredible thought. You see, I have tried to find that experience that he speaks of. There's a famous story of a prodigal son that I identify with. We both have these parallels in our lives of living these fast times and like this prodigal, the high times of the party never lasted. We both came to a place where we saw ourselves as we really were.

               I never found myself in the drugs, the drinking or any girl. The more I tried to fill that hole in my soul with material things and temporary flings the bigger that hole seemed to get. I never understood it though. I mean, everything I thought meant something never seemed to hold up. I was the life of the party and I had nothing to show for it. According to the world and TV and movies I should have had everything I needed or wanted. I was letdown to say the least.

               Anyone feel alienated yet?

               You see just like C.S. Lewis and his thoughts of another world, I could only think to myself that this couldn't be it. With my brief time on earth this couldn't be the answer. If this isn't the answer then what is? A friend of mine said it better than I ever could. "I found grace or better yet, you could say that grace found me."

               I titled this speech, "my beautiful letdown" because I'm actually happy to know that there's nothing in this life that I look forward to more than what's next. However, I know that there are others out there who were like me looking for what could fill that void in their life. I don't want to come across as preachy because I'm not selling anything. If anything, what I've found from finding this grace leads me to be a better person.

               I close with the inspiration that brought me to this topic and I'd like to read the words :

"It was a beautiful letdown when I crashed and burned. When I found myself alone unknown and hurt. It was a beautiful letdown the day I knew that the all the riches this world had to offer me would never do. In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out that I don't belong here."

               I know I don't have all the answers. I hope to inspire others and change their perceptions and to let them know what sets me apart without condemnation or judgment. I sincerely hope that when others search for answers they might come to the realization that I have and that it's okay to be letdown by this world. Especially when there's something so much better.

               I pray that you are found by grace.

Rearview Mirror

               Cliché songs mutter out the lyrics of something to the extent of, "live like you were dying." But the idea is nothing new, though the thought is still cause for reflection. Even in the poem by Horace you embrace the term, "carpe diem," or "seize the day." Each day we are given is a blessing. However, when you stop to think about all of them in retrospect it makes you wonder. Me personally, I imagine myself one day being very old and I wonder, when I think back over my life what will I think of?

               This year I turn 30, a milestone in its own respect. However, when I was 18 I honestly didn't think I'd live to make it to here. Perhaps my close mindedness couldn't see more than what was in front of me. However, looking back lends such an interesting perspective. I couldn't even begin to tell you what was important to me. I could tell you about the trivial things, girls, my popularity, which lunch table I got to sit with and how it reflected my status. That was about as rough as it got. I minimalize those events because, being almost 30, I honestly don't have those same priorities.

               Say I make it to 90 years old. Awesome. Will I still say, "awesome?" Better yet, what will I think back on of my thirties? How was I worried about paying rent? or being worried about buying a house? or paying off a mortgage? Where is my next check coming from? How will I ever afford this? When's a good time to have kids? Am I too old for this? I wonder what the 90 year old experienced me what say to me now. What would his advice be? And what the heck are next week's winning lottery numbers?    

               Truth be told, I know the gravity of what that 90 year old will face. It's the same reality the 18 year old faced and even this 30 year old. Will the trivial things of this world keep me from experiencing what God has in store for me? Will I have spent my entire life spiritually chasing my tail or will I one day, sit back and experience what it is to fully understand what God meant by setting into motion the events that lead up to the cross? What will I ultimately see in my review mirror as God shows me my life?

               I really think God is showing me something big. Something so big that it cannot be kept. I know that at the least, God will help me step out of this apathetic Christian pose and be more than someone who knows about the cross... but someone who truly knows what it is to experience what the cross has to offer.

               Review mirrors are an amazing tool to know what's going on behind you so that you can know where you're going. I pray tonight, a very simple prayer for the both us. Tonight, I pray that God will crush these hardened hearts and that we can learn to be more like Jesus Christ in how we think, act and live. That when we do see our judgment day, we won't have to worry about our rearview mirrors but instead we'll get to focus on the God of eternity. No looking to the past because hopefully, we'll hear the words our souls cry out for, "WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT."