jon the fisherman, a recap!

I know that God answers prayers.

My soul feels so overwhelmed that I cannot fight back my tears of joy. My heart is broken - (in such an amazing way.) I listened to my brother as he talked. For so long, For so very long and so many times I prayed. I listened and as he told me about how he listened to the preacher. I listened until he said, he accepted Christ. 

After he said that, I tried so hard to listen to what else he had to say but could only focus on those beautiful words. "I accepted Christ..."

I am now overwhelmed with the amazing gift God has given me today. I'm speechless. I'm awed and I'm trying to fathom God's unending love for us, for the world, for me. 

I'd be lying to say that this hasn't given me fresh fire. 

THANK YOU GOD  

FOREVER

Below is a post from a little while ago. It makes me smile to look back on it!

Jon the fisherman???

by Jon Durnell on Wednesday, February 4, 2009 at 8:50pm

In my head, you are slow to stand. Out of place in the most of accepting of places...Seeing you in church of all places seems almost foreign.

It's a place where no one would think to look to find you. And yet, In my head I see you. I see the look on your face. That slow sinking realization...

You are, the missing piece of this puzzle. You're the one that I can't give up on. You're the one that matters most to me.

I stood up on faith. When asked to step out in faith, to believe for someone... anyone... I thought of you. Only you. The person I promised myself that before I focused on the world...
My heart breaks for you. And rightly so. You're the hardest person to talk to...especially when it comes to faith. This fantastic God and this incredible man named Jesus. How would I explain such a thing?
I remembered standing defiant. Refusing to give up on you. So much so, that I stood up in front of people. Walked in front of a crowded room. No one else moved for such a call. But to believe that by moving you'd be the person to come to know Christ.

How can I be ashamed of tears? How could I possibly care about myself? Or foolish things like my pride?
What a small price to pay. And yet...

In my mind I believed what I saw: My brother...My best friend. Standing... Believing in Jesus.

My God... My beautiful God... I will always believe for him. I trust you when you say step out in faith. I believe you when you say, Believe. My little faith to move mountains... to walk on water... For Jesus to mean to him what it means to me.

What could I possibly pay for my gratitude? What measure would ever be enough? My God...My beautiful God.... May he see what I see. May he know you more than I know you. May this heartbreak finally end.

Thank you Lord, for my brother.

My Beautiful Letdown

My finale for speech class -
________________________

My beautiful letdown

               It would seem obvious to anyone of any faith or thinking that this life is only temporary. We as a civilization and a species share similar ideas, flaws and ambitions. What could I possibly say to anyone what life is, being that I have yet to fulfill this life? It seems unrealistic, wouldn't it, that since I haven't finished living that I should talk about what the meaning or purpose of this life is? 

               I think it would be safe to assume that I have struggled in vein along with everyone else to find such a purpose. It seems like each of us has this hole inside of us that needs to be filled. I have chased after the world looking to fill that hole and find that purpose. I have found many amazing things in my short time of existence but I never seem to find that piece that makes me feel whole.

               C.S. Lewis said, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." Such an incredible thought. You see, I have tried to find that experience that he speaks of. There's a famous story of a prodigal son that I identify with. We both have these parallels in our lives of living these fast times and like this prodigal, the high times of the party never lasted. We both came to a place where we saw ourselves as we really were.

               I never found myself in the drugs, the drinking or any girl. The more I tried to fill that hole in my soul with material things and temporary flings the bigger that hole seemed to get. I never understood it though. I mean, everything I thought meant something never seemed to hold up. I was the life of the party and I had nothing to show for it. According to the world and TV and movies I should have had everything I needed or wanted. I was letdown to say the least.

               Anyone feel alienated yet?

               You see just like C.S. Lewis and his thoughts of another world, I could only think to myself that this couldn't be it. With my brief time on earth this couldn't be the answer. If this isn't the answer then what is? A friend of mine said it better than I ever could. "I found grace or better yet, you could say that grace found me."

               I titled this speech, "my beautiful letdown" because I'm actually happy to know that there's nothing in this life that I look forward to more than what's next. However, I know that there are others out there who were like me looking for what could fill that void in their life. I don't want to come across as preachy because I'm not selling anything. If anything, what I've found from finding this grace leads me to be a better person.

               I close with the inspiration that brought me to this topic and I'd like to read the words :

"It was a beautiful letdown when I crashed and burned. When I found myself alone unknown and hurt. It was a beautiful letdown the day I knew that the all the riches this world had to offer me would never do. In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out that I don't belong here."

               I know I don't have all the answers. I hope to inspire others and change their perceptions and to let them know what sets me apart without condemnation or judgment. I sincerely hope that when others search for answers they might come to the realization that I have and that it's okay to be letdown by this world. Especially when there's something so much better.

               I pray that you are found by grace.

Rearview Mirror

               Cliché songs mutter out the lyrics of something to the extent of, "live like you were dying." But the idea is nothing new, though the thought is still cause for reflection. Even in the poem by Horace you embrace the term, "carpe diem," or "seize the day." Each day we are given is a blessing. However, when you stop to think about all of them in retrospect it makes you wonder. Me personally, I imagine myself one day being very old and I wonder, when I think back over my life what will I think of?

               This year I turn 30, a milestone in its own respect. However, when I was 18 I honestly didn't think I'd live to make it to here. Perhaps my close mindedness couldn't see more than what was in front of me. However, looking back lends such an interesting perspective. I couldn't even begin to tell you what was important to me. I could tell you about the trivial things, girls, my popularity, which lunch table I got to sit with and how it reflected my status. That was about as rough as it got. I minimalize those events because, being almost 30, I honestly don't have those same priorities.

               Say I make it to 90 years old. Awesome. Will I still say, "awesome?" Better yet, what will I think back on of my thirties? How was I worried about paying rent? or being worried about buying a house? or paying off a mortgage? Where is my next check coming from? How will I ever afford this? When's a good time to have kids? Am I too old for this? I wonder what the 90 year old experienced me what say to me now. What would his advice be? And what the heck are next week's winning lottery numbers?    

               Truth be told, I know the gravity of what that 90 year old will face. It's the same reality the 18 year old faced and even this 30 year old. Will the trivial things of this world keep me from experiencing what God has in store for me? Will I have spent my entire life spiritually chasing my tail or will I one day, sit back and experience what it is to fully understand what God meant by setting into motion the events that lead up to the cross? What will I ultimately see in my review mirror as God shows me my life?

               I really think God is showing me something big. Something so big that it cannot be kept. I know that at the least, God will help me step out of this apathetic Christian pose and be more than someone who knows about the cross... but someone who truly knows what it is to experience what the cross has to offer.

               Review mirrors are an amazing tool to know what's going on behind you so that you can know where you're going. I pray tonight, a very simple prayer for the both us. Tonight, I pray that God will crush these hardened hearts and that we can learn to be more like Jesus Christ in how we think, act and live. That when we do see our judgment day, we won't have to worry about our rearview mirrors but instead we'll get to focus on the God of eternity. No looking to the past because hopefully, we'll hear the words our souls cry out for, "WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT."

Beautiful by MercyMe

Something More

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'Matthew 25:40

 God has introduced me to a brother in Christ who comes from this village. I am beyond trying to put into words how my heart breaks for anyone who has no choice to live like this. And yet, they are still considered fortunate. To love a fellow person just because is to be loved as Jesus loved us.

 Currently, They are building a church! How amazing is that?! The thing that is sought most is not items or materials for gain but to have a place of worship to show their love to a gracious God! They don't have shoes but they don't care! They want to love Christ and to have a church!! Amazing!

 In the other pictures you will see some of the women who carry pots on their heads. In some villages the women and girls must walk several miles of rural country to provide drinking water for their families. Their sacrifices mean that they are not able to go to school.

 You will also see 3 motorcycles (of sorts). These bikes are transportation to main roads and the villages only means of transportation (besides their feet of course)

 We live like kings amongst others who are blessed beyond measure. I see these children and these people and realize I have an opportunity to help others. I have little to give but God can use my gifts and talents and take my gifts and multiply them over and over beyond measure.

 I have a chance to help someone I may never meet. I have been blessed with the opportunity to bless someone else. I have been invited to be apart of non-profit organization that will help people like these.

It is in the early stages but I believe in power of an AWESOME GOD. I will continue to keep people posted and only ask for prayers. Prayers to make the right decision and prayers to do the will of the father! When other opportunities arrive, I will let you know as soon as possible should you wish to be apart of it. But, as I said, right now I only ask for prayers. Prayers for these people and those who are to help these people.

Prodigal

Give me a heart for the lost. Help me find those, who can't find their way. Where the prodigal child goes I know all too well. For as the prodigal son came to himself, so did I.

Luke 15 kicks off with Jesus telling 3 parables. All 3 stories talk of losing something precious and then finding it. The lost sheep, the lost coin and the lost son. Each one a hierarchy of importance to an Israelite. A sheep being lost, a silver coin, a son.

I'm not a biblical historian but I'm pretty sure if Jesus puts the silver coin in the middle, he's making a point to say that it's worth more than a sheep but nowhere near as import as the value of a son. Pretty simple way of understanding right?

Something of value is in jeopardy in the stories. There is an action from the person seeking what is lost and there is an action when what is lost is found. There is also an imbalance and then there's a restoration. Something is incomplete that later becomes whole.

Jesus starts his stories talking about sheep. If you have 100 sheep and you lose 1, you will pretty much stop what you are doing to find the one missing. I wouldn't because I don't care about sheep per say. But that doesn't negate the fact that if I had 100 anything and I lost one of it, I wouldn't look for it.

Before I leave for work in the morning I have a bunch of things set out in a particular order. As I'm getting ready to leave the house I pick up my wallet and then my keys. Then I go for my crackberry and finally my iPod and Oakley's. It's 5 simple things but if I can't find one of them, you can forget it. I'm not going forward with my day. I'm am going to take my time and look for whatever is missing. I will not take the time to look for a sheep but I will lose my mind if I can't listen to my ipod at work! Can't find my sunglasses... ah nope. Can't do it. I live in Texas where it's not only hot year 'round it's like the sun is vacations here.

So I get what's going here. I see the importance. You're not going to leave it to chance. You're going to find it because it has value.

The second story is similar because a woman loses a piece of silver. I love the fact that Jesus uses this amount. I really do. When the Bible talks about shekels as an amount I am clueless of its importance. Silver and gold, relates really well to us. It's a value that I get and comprehend. My fiancé has gotten charms from James Avery so I get the idea of the value of silver. Plus everyone can relate to losing money. You will retrace your steps, you will tear a couch apart you may even accuse your mom of taking it. People get funny with money.

The third story is the best. A man has two sons. The father loses his youngest son after he goes out into the world, messes up, has a hard life and eventually gets to go back home. I'm paraphrasing of course but that's just because there's a lot more going on there.

All 3 stories rotate around the lost. It's not a coincidence that Jesus uses 3 stories to make his point. Clearly he's not just talking about a sheep or a coin or even simply a son. In his master ability to convey a point he explains in earthly words how God sees us. How he sees the lost children and conveys their value to him. Jesus conveys to us that God can't forget about what's lost. It bothers him.

When something is lost and it is important to you, it will drive you crazy. It will bother you and eat at you. And here Jesus is explaining to us that the God of heaven and Earth, infinite and finite, the center piece of creation and God can't let it go. The value he puts on people is so immeasurable he can't bear the idea of losing one person.

In the story of the lost son, the son first disrespects his father by asking for his inheritance early. He goes out and lives this fast life and burns through all of his inheritance. He is quickly destitute and is forced to do the unthinkable until it dawns on him that, "hey, it wasn't so bad back at home. My dad is kind of a nice guy, maybe if I go back and beg he'll let me be a servant." So he heads home, disgraced and embarrassed. But here's the thing: it says in Luke 15:19 "...But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him.."

He was a long way off and his father saw him. I was in the Navy for 4 years and when I was out on the ocean I can attest for a fact that unless you are really looking for something off in the distance you're not going to see it. Stuff doesn't just kind of appear, you really have to look for it. And here Jesus is saying that this son is a long way off from home and his father sees him. He sees him, the father sees him. Things don't just appear from a distance unless you really look for them right? Here, the father sees him!

Just like the sheep and the coin, I picture this father not being able to function right. I picture a man who can't go about his daily life or fit into a routine because he's bothered by an absence. He's troubled because he is incomplete. He couldn't have coincidentally looked up, he had to be looking. He had to be searching and scanning the horizon for this son.

Jesus' whole ministry can be wrapped up into these stories about God's love for us as individuals. God doesn't sit back and forget about his children out in the world. He waits and waits and searches the horizons for his children. Waiting to run to them.

I picture in my head this beautiful God who saw me when I was a long way off. I came to myself and realized where I was and all I wanted was tell him how sorry I was. And just like this prodigal child, he saw me from the distance. He ran to me and threw his arms around me and said, I love you. And he won't even let me talk about my mistakes. He was busy making me royalty when I never deserved it. He was busy giving me life when my wages of sin called for death.

I think about the others now. I think about this love of a God who can't bear to be without us. I think about the value of what we are to him. I think about the price that was paid for us. I think about the children who are still a long way off.                         

I think that God is calling on this generation. I think we are surrounded by the prodigal. 

I think when people finally come to understand how much God loves us 

...and come to know that God through Jesus Christ then... 

...then we will get to rejoice for those who are found.

simple

...He looked at me.

...he saw my worth.

I've been watching a show on A&E called hoarding. It's a pretty brutal show to watch because in most cases someone has gone through an event in life that has triggered an emotional response. The response is usually to gather  as many items with some kind of connection to the individual to the point of compulsion. It definitely goes into the realm of unnecessary.

These peoples 'habitats' are extreme. Items and possessions are kept at an extreme. In some cases there are even those who cannot part with waste or filth. They become prisoners in their environment. They are without a doubt their own worst enemies. Whole rooms become engulfed with trash, waste, material objects and pests that come along with poor living conditions. From floor to ceiling, room by room filled with undesirable objects to everyday people's standards.

In some ways, these people are mentally ill. In others they are reacting emotionally to a life event. Some lack an acceptance of reality to the situation. To some it's even a lack of parting with their most prized possession, their pride. Some are embarrassed not wanting to seem weak or judged by others.

I can't imagine the scrutiny of being under the microscope. My embarrassment put out into the open for all to see. My defect made public. My trash and my ugliness placed on an alter for the masses to judge.

What if the world could peak into our virtual accounts of disappointment. If there was a show devoted to exposing the very worst parts of each and every one of us? Imagine all of our garbage packed from floor to ceiling and us sitting in the middle of all it.

I tried once to talk to my cousin about Christianity. I, in hindsight, realized I did the typical Christian attack. I asked a few condemning questions. I pointed out the logic and all the idealism's and of course the end results. I had the Kirk Cameron Text book power play to convert agnostics into believers. (For the record, I'm not bashing him)

I think a lot of Christians get saved and get fired up and forget one small little detail. In a way, our sin is a lot like that hoarded environment. There are definitely parallels. Like the hoarder we are incapable of removing that waste. We are surrounded and consumed by it. We are by default, born into it. Until Christ saved us, we lived hidden in our shame.

Like the hoarder we may be emotionally tied to it. We may have ignored or not accepted the situation. We may have even been too proud to ask for help or afraid to be judged by others.

When I spoke to my cousin I wanted so badly for him to understand where I was coming from. I was hoping for that, throw your hands up and praise Jesus realization that I had. Sadly, I don't know if my words came across... Or even more appropriately, HOW they came across.

We sometimes forget as Christians that until God found us, until he whispered in our hearts, until we woke up inside, we lived in that house. That place of ugliness is a monument to God's love for us. Bibically God calls our best accomplishments filthy rags.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Our beautiful works of art. Our Brilliance, our accomplishments... everything we have every accomplished as a whole, is less than worthless.


I think of my house and my sin and all of my dirt. I picture the mess and realize that my mess next your mess, next to their mess. It's identical. It's measurably the same. I know that because the Bible says, that ALL have fallen short of the grace of God.

We need to stop looking at these houses and rating them. Your dirt isn't as bad as my dirt. Your sin isn't as bad as my sin. Your house doesn't look that bad. Your house isn't as good as mine.

God took us out of that house.

He paid a ransom to get us out of that awfulness.

He cleaned us and removed all trace of that house from us and gave us a better house.

His house.

I have a friend, a rather new friend at that but his ways have inadvertently inspired me. All great minds who follow Christ have the simple realization.

...to love as Jesus loved. Unquestionably, uncontrollably and uncompromisingly.

Thank you Lord for getting me out of there. Thank you for your unending love. Thank you for showing me that where people are in life and their burden of sin were similar to mine. Thank you for showing me how to love them as you loved us.

This is house that Christ built.